ronan, a three year old baby: come play games with me
declan, a five year old adult: Selfish of you. While you’re gallivanting I’ll be managing father’s tax evasion scheme, pretending that cleaning up dream-object messes is just pick-up sticks with mother, and staying conscious and alert twenty-four-seven to make sure you don’t manifest a wendigo in the house because of a bedtime story you read.
ronan: boring. bird time
tumblr just recommended this post to me and i don’t know why it feels I need this 100% factual description of the Declan short story I wrote over Christmas
- friends with a disgraced scientist for “no reason” (hormones)
- wears, like, forty goddamn shirts (titties)
- nobody calls him Marty; everybody just says McFly
- I’m trans and I say so.
It also means his mother din’t name him after her weird crush in high school
Marty McFly went back in time and seduced his mom into making his chosen name his birth name, and I don’t blame him. Paperwork’s a bitch.
can you imagine meeting a hot boy as a teenager and then 30 years later your trans son changes his name to the weird crushes name and also looks exactly like him
We don’t have to imagine ryan they made a movie about it
tumblr does not want you to see this flier from 1890:
Okay now that Tumblr finally let me post it, I found this amazing thing on Wikipedia. Some college kids in 1890 had to sit around a machine like this probably
and type TURDS in a bunch of different fonts. And it made Indiana University faculty so mad they literally hired the “Strike Worker Killing, Domestic Mercenary” Pinkerton Detective Agency to find who made it. At some point in 1890, Pinkertons were hunting down someone for typing “Here is a TURD! A sheeny TURD!” And this is a real part of American history.
Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu
Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter
i worked at build-a-bear in downtown disney and one time a guest came with a grinch and had me force 6 custom sounds into him which was just him breathing really hard and saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS” into each one the thing is, he had me stuff them into the arms, which were stick-thin so the seams were coming up and i was having to repair his now lumpy grinchy arms this took like 45 minutes and all the while the kid was legit trying to remove my kneecaps, his mom was even telling me that she warned someone this would happen and they sent her straight to me ROFLMAO after he was stuffed to the brim and i could hear the soul of the plush screaming at me for what would be the next eternity the kid dressed him up like batman but his mom was like “NO HE HAS TO BE CHRISTMAS” so he put a santa hat on him and also a little plush gingerbread that smelled like actual gingerbread and it ended up looking like this
i clocked out an hour and a half late it was like 1 am
just spent a solid fifteen minutes trying to not make eyes at this super hot dude waiting for his food right next to the register, only to die of shame when the chef called out the name on his order and i recognized him as the block’s most despised restaurant owner’s new sugar baby 😫😫😫😫
whats the difference between Long Island and Staten Island
they are two completely different islands. long island is the big long island sticking out of New York. Staten Island is the tiny island in New York City between the west coast of Long Island and the mainland
long island is where you go to experience total ego destruction over a period of decades. staten island is where you go to get stabbed by a clown
